Bad is back

Posting after a long time, felt like writing again. Its a very undercooked piece need to slowly get back the flow. Tried a a very old rhyming scheme.

I've stayed awake all cold and perplexed

Storm of draining thoughts that cannot be indexed

I know the right from the wrong clearly

But when I'm with you I feel vexed

Brain knows it’s another mistake

But the heart says lets still make

Very carefully with moments selected

A happiness portrayal it bake

You say they are all delinquent notions

Agreed; till they are in small portions

It all comes to us, to our control

It pinches when it turns to natural emotions

Benignant people are not some fools

They know what you did and of your virgules

Belief and optimism; second chances and honesty

They believe in; else relations go easy down whirlpools

Unfulfilled Trust

I have gone mad beyond odds

Nostalgiated by living frauds

Dark rage building inside

Getting worse when I try subside

It’s like no air in my wind pipe

And feelings that I try to type

Nightmares and unslept nights

Against hope losing fights

A feeling whose name I don’t know

One which I don’t want to know

For once why can’t it fall right

Someone justify my plight

Tired of being scooted out

Like steam out of kettle’s snout

Out of lives I attach mine too

For breaking trust I should sue

But I contemplate; me or you.

TIRED I AM

No sense, no rhyme scheme but I had to type it out

I am tired of being the me I am
Tired of being tossed around
I am tired of being nice
and tired of being sweet.

I am tired of being understanding
Tired of never being demanding
I am tired of being adjusting
and tired for being taken granted

I am tired of these sleepless nights
Tired of being never understood
I am tired of being alone
and tired of false hope.

I am tired of dreaming dreams
tired of keeping promises
I am tired of this world order
and tired of trust being shattered.

I am tired of being an emotional fool
Tired of people moving away
I am tired of faking that smile
and tired of hiding the unsaid.

Tired I am of this life.

A telephonic conversation

Its not a very refined creation and even I didn't like it myself but what the heck I just posted it...

It never goes away, the haze
only gets hopleless, the maze
because I can never give up
thinking thoughts about you
never seizing thoughts about you.

Something I ask, a question
is it clear, my intention?
no way I see too ascertain this
that I too cross your mind
maybe once through your mind.

It's a dangerous duo, two lives
living it while, one dies
together slowly and suddenly
there are many ways to end it
and very few ways to mend it.

So why waste it, the time
we can enjoy life, in its prime
I won't promise nothing
let it be; you and me
and some world and we.

Talk with my life

I don't know why but brain starts working at a higher fidelity near the exams for some unknown reason...But who cares, its so much fun to write...

So next one is a fictitious talk with my life... 

    

Don't let me say it out loud

Because then I will be the crowd

Then is it, when it is

nothing but ambient sound.

Listen to me i don't wanna shout

can't you deaf just read it out

its all there spread around, darkness

in a no-mans-land during a blackout.

Time is ticking and lot has gone

still to the expectation i hold on

feel it, then say it too

in a milli i will live an aeon.

Am i a part of you or you a part of I

silly thoughts that keep coming by

I am blind,i've got the arrow

just come rushing with the bullseye.

GOODBYE

I am a little high while writing this, don't know exactly how it is coming out...maybe would delete it when I come back sane in the morning


Hey honey do you know I weep
unfelt feelings u cant feel
its all you, awake or asleep
un-ending non diminishing zeal

But every night a drop trickles down
cascading into my mind from the frozen dreams
reminding me what is left behind
a treasure I will never again find

the future holds a promise
of certain dreams being wheedle(-d)
Don't know how my clock will tick
without you its fastest needle

Fracture my heart and then burn my soul
If something remains throw it in the hole
Time is cold and dark, piercing like a dirk
Life is a guilt machine which doesn't work.

As every day turns to tomorrow
it turns my heart to push u away
when you are the one I kept closest
my life anchor now aweigh

All I used to love about me was you
and it would remain with me like a flu
you were one thing i liked to believe in
trust, love n happiness were all akin.

Kicked...Fall...Learn

What have I learnt from the past, four things in the chronological order, lmao:
1. Don't be afraid of trouble.
2. In everything in life timing is very important.
3. Stop searching for perfection.
4. Never trust people blindly.

Turns

Yes today totally unwillingly I got a job. It was one of the things that was fucking me day in and out since I entered my last lap before attaining the silver cup of age. I am satisfied because I got a job pretty much the kind of work I wanted, but on the other hand disappointed to leave Mumbai and more importantly its residents.

I actually don't know whether I wanted to stay or leave. But one thing I surely know that there are much important things I look forward to following in place in my life. I hope this event signifies a turn.

The Coin of Curse

When you are living by just two principles in life; the two sides of the coin:

1. Hope for a change, hope for fulfillment of some wish
2. Overlooking the facts or clear observations

You are bound to go down in the drain.....

Who am I ??

Who am I to ask for your time

when thats the element that went loose

who am I to title you an angel

when satin has kept me for his misuse

who am I to pray for your happiness

when grief and misfortune tied me in a noose

who am I to beg for your company

when I lingered around like a caboose.

Who am I to ask this whether

you are just ok, good or fine

who am I to say you love me

I don't know; my mind is out of allign

who am I to care for you

I don't have a say of mine

who am I to ask this whether

its joy or sadness; that your eyes shine.

Who am I even to dream

when all I can cling to is nightmare

who am I to ask to beileve me

all I talk seems to hit nothing but air

who am I to say to smile for me

as no one listens to my prayer

who am I even to write this

but aghast; that's all I'm left to share.

If You think all the shit is over think again....

24 saal

Bukha chala ja raha hun pyar ki talash mein
Do waqt ka pyar aur mere liye ek muskan
Garibi ki is jindagi se koi to nikale mujhe
Bahut se log aae aur gai, kuch nahi tha mere pass
Dene ko shayd dene walo ko Siwae pyar ke
Jo tha sab luta Diya mene thode se ki chah mein
Mila Kya diya kya tarazoo se bhi na tol paya mein
Aaj jab ye likha mene to ashqo ko na rok paya mein
Ek hath mein Kalam aur dusre mein dona liye
Jiwan ka ek aur sal barbad karne ja raha hun mein
Kya Yahi silla hai Kya yahi likha hai
Thak gaya karke mein ye swal apne aap se
Kya koi hoga, Kya gazab wo din hoga
Jab koi gale lagai ga aur bithaega pyar ki chao mein
Kya koi hoga, Kya gazab wo din hoga.

Insomniac Dreamrzzz

Dreams remain so far beyond the void

An unreachable non attainable picture

Its something reality tries to avoid

Our expectations and their stricture.

You see so much but all is blind

Intangible jewel in its shimmering shine

your heart sees but eyes can't find

Something your's and soulfully sublime.

Its always them that hold you captive

unknown we stand from factual motive

But when your life flows like a stream

Seldom people realise that its a dream.

The new change in me

Sometimes most things dont matter if u have somebody lovable enough in ur life... But I have had bad luck...Never have been loved the way I have loved some women...Had been pretty satisfied till now but sometimes feel like someone loved me like that...

love the stretch of the pink on your face

my head in your lap its resting place

when you give that outstretched pose

i wanna kiss u on the nose

and one on the forehead

to reassure i'll be there till i'm dead.

This was then and now its nothing that way...I hate my old self....

Traveller's Log

Recently made a few random trips....an epilogue to that...

travel i want to endlessly

in this life upto perpetuity

not just to the corners of earth

but want to see traces of its birth

not just space but time too

undone acts I want to do

and some more to undo

alas its all worth if its i plus you....

Some people FUCKED up big time

This post has been a result of me sitting mostly free during my internship. I have lately been to many corners of the internet, so many that I can prove it to be round...lol... I have learnt crap about many things crap and have spent like a zillion hours exploring anything on google.

I don't know how but I stumbled upon the topic of POK (Pakistan Occupied Kashmir). I read about its history and geography and about the Karakoram Highway which was nicknamed as the 8th wonder of the world due to the shear challenge of making a road around 50 odd 7000+ m peaks. It was basically a strategic move by Pakistan with help of China to gain dominance in Kashmir. Leaving it here, all the politics and controversies and huge defence budgets, both the governments should realise the amount of lives being lost and above that the amount of natural beauty being lost. You would have heard these lines a million times before this, but mostly its from the perspective of Jammu and Kashmir that we Indians know; but here we are talking about the whole Himalayan (once a royal) state.

What has astounded me the most is the Karakoram region, maybe which has been preserved only due to the conflict, a region which has been totally isolated and brought situations of a fairytale to life. "the Paradise on Earth". Like any other Indian I think we have full right over this area. Other people may think otherwise but in this name-blame-lame game we are loosing the best of the best.

Following are a collection of pictures:
http://www.flickr.com/photos/awara/sets/72057594137465620/

http://fiveprime.org/hivemind/Tags/karakoram,trekking

And if this wasn't enough to leave you speechless, there is a legendary story about the golden paradise, why is it golden after all :

http://www.marmotburrow.ucla.edu/goldants2.html

Kill Time by Dozen

This one is specially for all the people getting bored at there jobs and having nothing to do to kill time...the following dozen things have been tried and experienced please feel free to ape any of them. These are always a complementary with texting and chatting.
So the time killing dozen is as follows:

1. By tastefully writing an essay about your experiences at work since morning.
2. By counting exactly to 20 before you swallow anything that you are chewing in your lunch break.
3. Calculating your typing speed by using a stopwatch.
4. Calling your office land line from your mobile and talking crap over dial tone and act busy.
5. Dancing secretly on mobile ring tones of peers.
6. Trying your hand on origami with paper towels in the washroom.
7. Signing your name a zillion times and then count how long your pen lasted, repeat the exercise with another pen to do quantitative analysis.
8. Revising whatever you wrote in class from your notebook even if it is years old and has all the incomplete information in the world.
9. Try new hand moments with your mouse.
10. Search for all the tourist destinations you want to visit.
11. Since the IPL season is on read and gather information about all the domestic players you never heard off.
12. And obviously updating your blog with such crap….lol….
Cheers....now back to work.....he he...

hungry thoughts

You tend to end up hurting the people who mean the most to you...maybe because they are the only ones you can take the liberty to hurt....but i hope they know how much they are loved and cared for....the life has its own poetry enjoy it.....

Irony: i cry and still feel like crying

Observations

Today's post is purely based on my few observations of life and inspirational thoughts of my dear friend (thanks bro for the granting unasked permission). 

This life is full of realisations and citations of facts that you realise latter or never. I will share a few of mine with you.

Things always comes back in full circle : Whatever you do others, how you treat them will always happen to you too, you also have to go through the same thing. Places will be changed and shoes exchanged but the feeling would remain the same. Whether its the unconditional love you show or its hatred, it always come back maybe not from the same source, but still it does. A fun fact is that in my case it has lot many times come back from the same person and trust me its a very weird situation.

Shit happens : Unknowingly when you least expected it.

But still you hate some and love some more after all that's what life is : MEETING PEOPLE.

From the eye of Sailor

its kind of work in progress, haven't been able to figure out the last two lines...suggestions welcomed, but obvious if anyone reads the blog at all...

curse thy perpetual sailor

sorrow and misfortune tailor

cause he was blessed by sadness

sailed in a sea that of his tears

true had come all his fears.

swallowed by a burly storm

he lay blinded and torn

on the ship on the deck

a lone living being in the sea

hope's light he wanted to see.

not able to sum what he lost

to him time was a bite of frost

and he faked a smile wiped the tear

for he had a crew to shoulder

in his heart her face smolder.

decided he had not to give up

frightened eyes oozed like ketchup

he brunt the storm and the pain

as there was purest faith

even in the lucid wraith.

longed for the scent of sandy grain

and warmth without refrain

the sailor broke free to be there

............................

............................

:'(

Last couple of days have been real tough and killing for me, its hard to say it in words anything anyhow to anybody; 

in my sleep its all you i dream

but the wet tears wake me up,

a explosive rush in my bloodstream

open my eyes, a mute scream.

Then i take a short inhale

with the air i take your name,

then world again turns sane

before the moment i exhale.

you were here, everywhere

hoof, now you are gone

i want to go somewhere

through time i want to re spawn.

there is something damaging at the top

wish the thoughts immediately stop

because they bring on a curse

causing no more than acute pain

a lot to you and a bit more to me

like this, i don't want to be.

An idea of a bad night

a recipe for a bad night:

1. empty stomach

2. empty wallet

3. hard day tommorow

4. mosquitoes by the millions

5. to much things going on in your mind

6. irregular sleep

7. nobody wished you good night

This all came true tonight and its fucking not good feeling. But I console myself thinking of many out there right now in my country who just have a bit longer list....peace to their souls...amen...

I WISH

I wish i could pause and rewind time, because in this world the money is attainable and so is love to some extent but the one thing you wish you had on your side whenever you miss someone or you simply screw up something is TIME...

It makes you realise whatever you have achieved and what more you have lost...

3 Streams of MBA

MBA was thought something for brainy people, but as usual it turned out to be a big myth. The crux derived from my first three trimesters (a method of taking exams of 30 identical subjects in an year) about the teachings we get here in two years apart from GASing which is common to all the three most discussed ( everything is discussed in MBA) streams of MBA:

Finance: Its all about money as its said though I still have to understand this part. Its also how much complex can we make the process and add in all sought of nuances and then try to find a near perfect solution using even complex-er models to solve our own embedded complexities. Finally the end result that one arrives at is that there are still many loopholes for your money to be drained.

Marketing: Its about trying to do the useless, in other words its a typical government office babu doing his job with better PR skills and for a fatter pay packet. You are like a doctor making people realise the five senses they have to sense the existence of there senseless product in the market.

Operations: All the business boils down to one inefficient workshop and you can improve it by decentralising a centralised system or centralising a decentralised system. But no matter how many new innovations you implement there is always tons of scope to improve and hence prove that you are and will always be inefficient.

Sleepy day

The following narration is my daily routine at my college...its because of two reasons i.e. fuckin boring classes and i am to drunk to sleep in the night....and yes it is in the same raw and random form as it came to me....

Eyes closed mind open, my heart is throbbing at a low throttle. the feeling of peace thinking about my dreams in sleep and the rush you get when you suddenly wake up....It has its own sanity its own high as well as a matter of fact the exotic stuff is addictive. 

Love for those who ever thought for me ( i guess i'm selfish, but who isn't ) and hope for those who tried to wake me up, shake me up. Alas to there misfortune, they woke me up, they managed to see the two white dials but still who could ever stop the wanderer. The 'Wright Brothers' clone aka my soul, my thoughts, my wishes.......a few achieved and many unanswered.....cheers....

Happy Bday, oye!!!

happy birhtday to you my friend

can't be with u as per my intend

so this is what i have penned

all the wishes i try n transcend.

an everlasting curve on your face

a big warm caring embrace

with all my undue reverence

you filled my life with fragnance.

when happiness was on a nomadic search

your heart is where it found a perch

and it kneeled down in my dream

for it was a place of it's dream.

all the joys and all the riches

may good lord grant all ur wishes

this is for what i pray

each night and all day.

memories constructed with infinite care

with me they go everywhere

and lukiin like a greedy dog

for more to register in my log.

remain animated beyond anticipation

and have a gala celebration

happy birhtday,

happy birhtday.

Don't be sad my friend

sittin tonight down in my bed

i think, why arent you happy my friend

whats that troubles you in the end

i have my heart n ear to lend

speak up, make some kinda sign

i wanna see you smile real fine

arbitration or our free will

i am striving untill

all the sorrow is erased complete

coz that is the real treat

thats how my day is made

seeing that arc when the day fade

and in the night i pray

may the next day be more gay

that is my life's credo

to fine tune my happiness gizmo

dawn at a beach

its the middle of the night

and i stand all alone

along a life full sea.

on a deserted beach

doing something not ordinary

to break our monotonity.

its almost before the end

the one to a long night.

i try make myself cozy

with millions of grains.

but the warmth cometh from

that someone was there

when i was not in my dream.

its back to light now

a cool wind takes away 

all the true thoughts

to bring back the other me

the one you have seen

and to hide the forseen.